it’s the media, stupid.

Bill O’Reilly is hilarious—in a bad way. He possesses the kind of hilarity that sprouts from a disturbingly poignant ignorance of reality and knack for spinning the truth and bullying even the most sympathetic and patriotic Americans. Other political pundits with agendas to push including Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Rush Limbaugh, Al Franken, and many others only perpetuate the problems with today’s news: delivering news that isn’t really news (Anna Nicole Smith’s death) and delivering news that is really just political bias (President Bush, bad versus good).

The American media and the democracy it represents have become slaves to the ugliest part of capitalism: man’s love of money. Virtually every mainstream media outlet one can name is owned by just a few corporations. This disturbing detail means that every anchor, reporter, or writer you see or read is owned by a group of individuals who are very rich and very political. How does one think this would affect the media? Regrettably, it affects it to the point of defecting it.

Many liberals criticize the FOX News network, the network O’Reilly represents, as having a conservative bias in their version of the news. Conservatives then cry foul over the perceived “liberal bias” in the media that kills Americans overseas and damages democracy. When both sides get into a shouting match over media bias and other insignificant ideas, political moderates like me are caught in the middle being spit on.

With the 2008 Presidential election already underway, God help us all, something needs to be done to correct our media and the way we perceive it. It used to be possible for a journalist to investigate dirty dealings in Washington and expose illegal activity without being branded “unpatriotic” or “a terrorist.” Just think, had the Watergate break-ins occurred today, Woodward and Bernstein would have been fired for using an unnamed inside source in a report that damaged the image of the White House, President Nixon would have repeatedly denied participation in the break-ins, and we would have gone back to watching “All in the Family.”

I claim no preference or bias to any political party or agenda. I believe that this is a non-partisan issue that can only be solved by action. There are numerous non-partisan media reform coalitions like FreePress.net and SavetheInternet.com that aim to break up the corporate media conglomerations and make the press subject to the people, not the other way around. Contrary to what the talking heads and pundits want to make you think, democracy is not the same as capitalism. They work well together as long as they keep each other in check. In today’s America, capitalism has dealt crushing blows to democracy through greed and ethical compromise. But democracy still has a chance so long as its citizens arm themselves with knowledge and perseverance.

To the far-left and far-right: you’re screwing everything up. Yelling at the other side for being wrong proves that you are probably wrong as well. This next year and beyond, the pundits will try to convince you that their opinions are yours as well. For the sake of democracy and fairness in media, don’t listen to them. Do your own research, have meaningful discussions with your friends, and make up your own mind. Please don’t let yourself become susceptible to what corporate America wants you to think, and start becoming a free-thinking individual. Those kinds of people are the ones who better the world.

the truth behind the fantasy…

By Shelley Lubben, former porn actress

Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say “I want you” is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to “fake it” with. That’s right none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much you can hear them vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights…

But the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. The truth, porn actresses have showed up on the set not knowing about certain requirements and were told by porn producers to do it or leave without being paid. Work or never work again. Yes, we made the choice. Some of us needed the money. But we were manipulated and coerced and even threatened. Some of us caught HIV from that coercion. I personally caught Herpes, a non-curable sexually transmitted disease. Another porn actress went home after a long night of numbing her pain and put a pistol to her head and pulled the trigger. Now she’s dead.

It’s safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn’t grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they’ve experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbors. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive through as we perform our tricks for you in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We’re traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of YOU who continue to abuse us.

As we continue to traumatize ourselves by making more adult films, we use more and more drugs and alcohol. We live in constant fear of catching AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Every time there’s an HIV scare we race to the nearest clinic for an emergency checkup. Pornographers insist giving viewers the fantasy sex they demand all the while sacrificing the very ones who make it happen. In other words, no condoms allowed. Herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other diseases are the normal anxieties we walk around with daily. We get tested monthly but we know testing isn’t prevention. Besides worrying about catching diseases from porn sex, there are other harmful activities we engage in that are also very dangerous. Some of us have had physical tearing and damage to internal body parts.

When porn actresses call it a day and head home we attempt to have normal healthy relationships but some of our boyfriends get jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors while others of us prefer lesbian relationships. It’s a real memory making moment when our daughter accidentally walks out and sees mommy kissing another girl. My daughter will vouch for that one.

On our days off we walk around like zombies with a beer in one hand and a shot of whiskey in the other. We aren’t up to cleaning so we live in filth most of the time or we hire a sweet foreign lady to come in and clean up our mess. Porn Actresses aren’t the best cooks either. Ordering food in is normal for us and most of the time we throw up after we eat because we’re bulimic.

For porn actresses who have children, we are the world’s WORST mothers. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high and our four year olds are the ones picking us up off the floor. When clients come over for sex, we lock our children in their rooms and tell them to be quiet. I use to give my daughter a beeper and tell her to wait at the park until I was finished.

The truth is there IS NO fantasy in porn. It’s all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star’s life will show you a movie porn doesn’t want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can’t do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us the next fifteen years so God will hear and repair our ruined lives.

So don’t believe the lie anymore. Porn is nothing more than fake sex and lies on videotape. Trust me, I know.

by Shelley Lubben – Former Porn Actress

a mystery?

Does anyone else value the mystery of femininity? Walking the streets, it seems as if it’s no longer a mystery. The face value of femininity will be on full display as we approach spring and summer. It’s like we’ve reduced the authentic beauty in femininity to the bare minimum of clothes and the pleaser of society.

Eric Ludy describes a “brotherhood” of man in his book “God’s Gift to Women” (a highly recommended read for the gents) that expects to be visually pleased by women and feels the need to pursue women like hunters. We have to bag a girl to be a man. Where did this deranged philosophy come from? A hint for fellow “brotherhood” members: a woman is not meant to be, or appreciates being, hunted like an animal.

It’s probably for this reason that I don’t have a girlfriend. While some see dating as simply fun and friskiness, it’s actually something much more serious. The way you treat your girl/boyfriend is how you’re going to treat your spouse. Dating is, in a way, a practice run for marriage. That’s not to say that whatever happens in a dating relationship is null and void come marriage time. To the contrary; everything you do in a relationship, good and bod, will follow you forever. That’s why I will not enter into a relationship unless I think I could possibly marry this person.

Today’s society doesn’t value marriage as it used to. It’s not because marriage is bad; it’s the people. We’re too selfish to try to work through differences and really hold on to something forever. Wouldn’t you rather have a five-course gourmet Italian dinner than a few packages of Easy Mac? We have to kill the pride and selfishness that lies within all of us. It only destroys and hurts people–especially ourselves.

So I guess this blog is directed at both guys and ladies. For the beautiful, thoughtful, vibrant women I have known or will know in the future: PLEASE raise your standards. Force us guys to pursue your heart carefully and diligently. You deserve no less. To my fellow brethren: Quit being tools. The women around you, sisters and mothers included, deserve nothing less than your full support and respect in every facet of life. I know they look pretty and seem to be asking for it sometimes, but don’t disrespect them. Be a gentleman and keep yourself away from them until you know your heart and mind are in the right place.

Thanks for reading. I really would appreciate some feedback. Am I alone in this thinking? What do my fellow “brotherhood” members think?

my soundtrack…take two

This isn’t that dumb “life soundtrack” garbage people keep doing. These are actual songs I listen to and I think you should too.

“Lost in Space” – Aimee Mann -LOST IN SPACE
Such a hauntingly beautiful song. Imagine driving through the desert at night with this whole album on repeat and you have an awesome musical experience.

“Seize the Day” – Alan Menken – NEWSIES SOUNDTRACK
Man, I love this movie. If you haven’t seen it and loved it, I will fight you.

“Hoodwink” – Anathallo – FLOATING WORLD
What a mind-blowing album. These dudes mold music into forms never seen before.

“Wouldn’t It Be Nice” – The Beach Boys – PET SOUNDS
Their later stuff is way better than the surf rock stuff they started out with. Check out the entire album.

“Come Together” – The Beatles – ABBEY ROAD
One of the coolest and most memorable openers I’ve ever heard.

“Jesusland” – Ben Folds – SONGS FOR SILVERMAN
What can I say? The dude knows how to make good music.

“Trolley Song” – Dave Brubeck – GREATEST HITS
Sounds exactly as the title suggests. This guy is a piano player if I’ve ever heard one.

“Break on Through” – The Doors – THE DOORS
This song always reminds me of Forrest Gump. Oh well, it’s a solid rock song.

“Tiny Dancer” – Elton John – GREATEST HITS
Of Almost Famous fame. A really catchy song from a gifted musician, however odd he may be.

“Belle” – Jack Johnson – IN BETWEEN DREAMS
This just puts you in a street cafe in Paris. It’s almost too good a song.

“Mother” – John Lennon – JOHN LENNON/PLASTIC ONO BAND
You can tell that it’s a cathartic song for John. I highly recommend all of his solo work, especially the albums Imagine and Double Fantasy, his last.

“Waiting on the World to Change” – John Mayer – CONTINUUM
Am I a sell out if I like John Mayer and his ridiculously catchy tunes? Oh well, it’s a good song with an honest message.

“God’s Gonna Cut You Down” – Johnny Cash – AMERICAN V: A HUNDRED HIGHWAYS
The man’s a straight-up badass. This is his last album and a damn good one at that. You can hear the pain in his voice and feel the ache in his fingers.

“Money” – Pink Floyd – THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
In an album that’s basically half instrumental, this song shines through as one of the best.

“When She Loved Me” – Sarah McLachlan – TOY STORY 2 SOUNDTRACK
Man, this song just killed me. An incredible addition to a near-perfect film. If you aren’t in tears by the end, you have no soul.

“Deathbed” – Relient K – FIVE SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO
I’m in the minority that think that this album is not their best, in fact, a far weaker effort than mmHmm. But this epic masterpiece stands out amongst the other forgettable songs.

“Cecilia” – Simon and Garfunkel – BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER
One of the many infectious folk-rock tunes they created. Get all the albums.

“Cat Handcuffs” – Steve Martin – A WILD AND CRAZY GUY
This is from one of the best-selling and critically-acclaimed comedy albums ever. Comedians back then didn’t always resort to fart jokes or curse words to get a laugh.

“Zoo Station” – U2 – ACHTUNG BABY
I’ve never been a gigantic U2 fan, but I really liked this album.

“Roundabout” – Yes – FRAGILE
A great mix of classical, 70s rock, and psychedelia.

math is (not) a wonderful thing

I had to write a short reflection paper for my math class. This is what came out:

I am going to be brutally honest: I’m glad this is over. I knew coming into this class that I did not enjoy talking about or working on mathematics, but I tried to stay involved as best as I could. As this is a credit-filling class for most, if not all, of the students in class, I can only assume that my feelings on this class are not unique. This, however, is not a critique on your teaching style. I found your comprehension of the material and interaction with students very entertaining and reassuring. It made coming to class every other day not feel too torturous.

I praise your dedication to the students, especially to those who simply didn’t understand what was going on. But I’m actually exercising restraint when I say that I hate math. Sure, it’s integral to the world as a function and an abstract way of thinking, but I now know for sure that I will not pursue a career or vocation that is fundamentally math-oriented. I just can’t stand the massive detail and dedication that is required of a math student.

In fact, I want to be a writer. I can’t imagine a better yin to mathematics’ yang than writing. One could argue that writing is very much subject to math as writers must be analytical and detail-oriented. But there is a big difference between trying to find the linear regression in a scatter plot and finding an adequate synonym for “dumb.” I look forward to a life full of words, thoughts, and ideas—a life without equations and formulas. The world needs the latter, but wants the former.

As the weeks went on, I grew more and more tired of the tedious daily assignments. While a lot of the curriculum was focused on real-life mathematical problems and situations, I just didn’t care. I found bits of information scattered throughout the term interesting enough to hold my attention, but other times I didn’t feel the need to care because, as most anti-math or arithmophobic students would declare: “I’m never going to use this in real life!” Such hyperbolic statements tend to be brushed aside lovingly by teachers, but they are honest gauges of the sentiment of students that cannot find anything of use in what they’re hearing in math class. I’m no pessimist, but I will probably forget most of what I read before I arrive home for spring break.

My negativity towards mathematics has been building for years. As this is the last math class I’m required to take, I’m taking advantage of this chance to reflect on why I could care less about math. It’s somewhat cathartic for me because, growing up, I knew I would have to suffer through each level of math and be bombarded with malarkey and busywork, only to have to repeat the same process the next year. My friends and I could gripe all we wanted, but we knew that there was nothing that could be done to stop the madness. That is why I am grateful for this opportunity to release the dam and finally say what the repressed, agitated schoolboy in me has wanted to say all along.

I can’t say that I don’t have hard feelings about my “career” in mathematics. Each daily assignment drove me further into a black hole of apathy and frustration. I know how to do long division, I can do simple equations in my head, and I know not to try to divide something by zero—three things I consider the bread and water of mathematics. Frankly, I think I can live on that. And in the end, that’s all an aspiring writer/musician/bum will really need.

tale of three trees

This is a story from a children’s book I read as a bedtime story to some kids my sister babysits. It rocked my world:

Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: “I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I’ll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!” The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on its way to the ocean. “I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I’ll be the strongest ship in the world!” The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. “I don’t want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they’ll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world.”

Years passed and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, “This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining ax, the first tree fell. “Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!” the first tree said. The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, “This tree is strong. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining ax, the second tree fell. “Now I shall sail mighty waters!” thought the second tree. “I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!” The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. “Any kind of tree will do for me.” He muttered. With a swoop of his shining ax the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter’s shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feed box for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals. The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty ship was made that day. Instead, the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river. Instead she was taken to a little lake. The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. “What happened?” The once tall tree wondered. “All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God…”

Many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feed box. “I wish I could make a cradle for him,” her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood. “This manger is beautiful,” she said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through the wind and the rain. The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand and said, “Peace.” The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the King of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man’s hands to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God’s love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.